going and leaving

going.

leaving.

did you know that these two seemingly similar words, could actually be very very different?

well, i robin, have learned how different they can be.

in preparing to leave everything that is familiar and safe to me,

and venturing to a place unfamiliar ....

i've had to really evaluate my heart and try and work through these warring feelings.

i feel good and excited about {going}.

yet i feel incredibly sad and grievous about {leaving}.

i had pictured my kids running down the street during the summers to go play over at aunt sam's house.

i had pictured my kids growing up with all of their little friends who were born around the same time as them.

i had pictured bringing all of our children home from the hospital to our current house.

i had pictured a lot of different scenarios that will never play out now.

but now, i'm picturing something different.

new playmates for my kids.

a new house to *maybe* bring more babies home to.

i'm picturing our children having memories of their dad and mom making the choice to serve the Kingdom in a way that isn't necessarily easy or comfortable.

i'm picturing our kids recognizing that we mean it when we say the most important thing to us is glorifying  God and that we will serve Him wherever He calls us to.

i'm grieving leaving behind the {incredible} relationships that i have here in ft. collins.

i think i am so blessed to have the kind of mommy support system placed around me that i do.

i am so blessed to have {nearly} all of my family live within just 2 hours of me.

it's going to be {hard} to have to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends.

it's going to be {painful} not getting to just jump in the car and visit my mom for the day when i've been missing her.

it's gonna be a challenge driving back and forth for holidays to see everyone in colorado.

but i have a hope for my future.

i know that my home is where casey, delaney, amelia, and remington are.

not at 6405 constellation dr.

not at some unknown  address in manhattan kansas.

i feel confident in going.

i know casey has made a wise decision for our family.

i'm clinging to these verses:

Psalm 126:5-6 esv

Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.

so for those of you that i'm leaving behind, i'm grieving your loss.

i love you.

i value you.

for those of you that i'm going to, i'm excited to join you.

i'm looking forward to loving you.

would you pray for me {for us, really} in this bittersweet time?

i'm trying to find balance between being excited and feeling good about {going}

and yet grieving and feeling sadness about {leaving}.